Monday, April 27, 2009
OK, so I had to go to Florence today to get some material for Show Choir. I really didn't want to go, but nobody else can do it and it needed to be done. The doc said I could go to school today, but I'd have to keep my distance from my students. I was really freaking out about that, so I prayed about it, have some days, and decided to take one last day. I'm still potentially dangerous until after the 8th day that I took the pill. Tomorrow will be 9 days, so back to school for me tomorrow! I'm actually excited! I'm SO ready to get back into real life! It's strange though. It's like getting ready for the first day of school. It's been over 2 weeks. AND the last time I went to school, I wore WINTER clothes! What's up with THAT?
Anyway, I have been feeling better today, thank GOD! (I literally have!). Still weak, but better. I wanted pizza and not just any pizza. I wanted Pizza Hut. So, I decided to do the buffet thing in Muscle Shoals on my way. I NEVER go in anywhere alone. That's just not me, but I decided to. Nobody would know me in Muscle Shoals anyway right? Right. Except...
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. EVERYthing. We may know why immediately, we may know why later, or we may never know why, but EVERYthing happens for a reason.
I was sitting there all by myself, minding my own business. This woman comes in. Sits close to me. I'm thinking, "Come ON! Why do you have to sit THERE? Well, maybe she'll at least turn her back, or side to me and not stare at me while I eat. Ugh. Are you SERIOUS? You're really going to sit there and you're really going to face me? Any other seat at that table and you wouldn't be facing me. COME ON! WHATever. Sit there and enjoy your lunch, too. It's a free country and you don't know you're bothering me." A few minutes later I notice her shirt. It says "JESUS". I felt bad. I was like, "oh. I was supposed to see that." So, then the thought runs through my head "Should I tell her I like her shirt? Am I supposed to? What if she needs to hear that? What if she doesn't? Is there anything I'm doing to tell anyone in this restaurant I'm a Christian, too? I should tell her. OK. When I leave, I'll tell her. I just have this gut feeling I should. I don't know why, but I should. Or should I? It's a gut feeling. Do it, chicken. What if she leaves before me? I'll tell her still. Will I really chase her out the door? I'll leave before she does. I came in before she did. But, I AM the slowest eater in the world. Hmmm... OK. She's talking to the waitress. She'll be a little while I'm almost done."
So, I finish up and walk over to her to tell her I like her shirt. She says, "Oh, thankyou!" I said, "Wait. What else does it say?" She said, "Oh, it just says 'Jesus heals'." I said, "Oh! Cute! He certainly does! OHHHH! AND JESUS is written in band-aids! Too cute!" "Thank you!" She said.
See the reason? I did... eventually.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I wanted to get on and blog about my hospital stay. I jotted down on envelopes my random thoughts and thinkings to share later. I am having a really hard time even thinking about it though. It's very uncomfortable playing it back in my head. I get VERY uneasy thinking about it. So, I'll do it later. It may take some time, but I will. A lot of interesting things went on and I would like to share, but I just can't right now. Ugh. Me no likey.
BUT, like I said, the worst part is behind me. It's downhill from here. Got my new prescription filled today and my new meds will start kicking in in a couple of weeks or so. Maybe I'll feel much better tomorrow. We'll see. Please pray. We'll talk about the hospital visit later, OK?
Gonna go see if I can find something worth watching and veg out in front of the idiot box. Much love! Sorry to be disappointing!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Maybe something there spoke to you as well. My sister and my niece are here to take me home. I have not been home in SIX weeks. That's CRAZY! The most I've ever gone was 3 weeks. I'll get to see my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews. I'm really excited about that!!! I go to Huntsville Hospital at 11:00 in the morning to be zapped and rid of my thyroid and cancerous cells forever. Bye-bye thyroid! It's been nice knowing ya! ...or not.
Thanks for praying for me! Please continue to life me up. I'll be back in a few days after I've been neuked. :D
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My mind is going 90 to nothing. What does one pack for such a trip? What's the weather going to be like the day I am released from that prison cell of mine? ;) I obviously won't need clothes for my time in the hospital, so packing will be light for the next week. Hmmm...
What if I forget that stack of magazines I've piled up and up and up for months? What if I forget my Lemonheads? What if I forget... well, there's not much else TO forget. Ha! What if I forget Ace? Nah. He won't let me.
So, I'm actually letting my sister and niece come and pick me up tomorrow to take me home. I had to go get my oil changed today and felt strange. I can't explain it. Not really light-headed, but not really "all there", I guess. In la-la land. (That was NOT an opportunity for ANY of you to make fun of me!) I don't know if it would be safe for me to drive such a distance. I don't know if it would be safe for OTHERS for me to drive such a distance. I'll back down and play it smart.
I was talking to my brother earlier this week and he said that they were going to come and get me. I said, "We'll see. I may not need them to." He said, "Well, if you need them to, then LET THEM." I said, "I will". Then he said, "JAMIE!" That's Dad. He's gotta be where I get my "I don't need your help because it would make me feel bad for you to go one single step out of your way to do something for me" attitude. I am not a stubborn person otherwise. I have learned the last few months that it is difficult for me to give in and let someone do something for me. I don't know why. I mean, I really enjoy doing things for other people. I just think, "Why would you go out of your way to even THINK about doing something for me? For ME?!" Anyway... I said to him "YEOUCH!" It's fun being independent.
Rachel and Maw-Maw came by tonight. Rachel's Maw-Maw is the closest thing I have to a Maw-Maw. My mom's mom passed away when I was 13. My dad's when I was 16. Rachel's Maw-Maw is precious. I call her Maw-Maw, too. They were going to go to Gulf Shores or Gatlinburg or somewhere for the DAY today. Gulf Shores for the day isn't Gulf Shores to me, but whatever. :) I have done the Gatlinburg thing in one day. LONG day. Anyway, we had a nice visit. I wasn't worth much, but it was nice to have visitors. That doesn't happen much. They went to Florence because Maw-Maw had never been and Rachel's been with me several times, so she (KINDA) knew her way around. (Love you, Rachel!) ...she doesn't have the best sense of direction. She'll be the first to tell you that. She's amazed at how well I learn a new place.
So, we're talking about the subject that anybody and everybody, including myself, that has been around me for the past few weeks is absolutely sick of hearing about. Food. She was asking when I could eat "real food" again. I said after my hospital visit. I said, "What's today? April 18? It's been EIGHTEEN days since I've had cheese!" She gasped for air. HA! She said, "So, what have you had today that was decent?" I said, ".... well... um... I don't know! I can't remember what I've had!" My stomach was ookey today, so I hadn't much interest in food period. Then I remembered that I had 2 boiled eggs minus the yolk this morning. I cooked some hashbrowns with onions and couldn't eat it. I don't know if it's nerves or what. My stomach has been ookey for most of this diet, so it's probably a combination today. I ate a couple of bites of the hashbrowns and felt sick. I chunked the rest. I said, "Then for lunch... um... I had... what DID I have? ... I forgot to eat lunch." I hadn't even thought about it and had not had supper at that time, either. It was around 8:00. Strange. I don't not think about meals. HA! Lunch didn't even cross my mind though.
But you know what absolutely stinks? I have eaten more fruits and vegetables in the past 2 and 1/2 weeks that I probably have my entire life. I've skipped meals, had small meals, had no meals and the scale has barely budged. UGH! For the LOVE! I have retained a LOT of water. My fingers are so puffy I can't wear my rings, so maybe that's a lot of it. My face looks bloated (even more than it usually looks bloated). He he he! I'm hoping and praying that after all this mess, getting rid of my thyroid completely will help with the weight issue. I have been told it will. My next purchase? A treadmill. Yep. Don't know where I'm going to put it, but exercise has to become a must if I want to live to see 40. Maybe that's being dramatic. I want to live to see a healthy 40. 30 even! 29 and 1/2! I've tried and tried to lose weight, have lost some over the past year and 1/2, but maybe all this is an answer to that prayer as well. We'll see.
OK. THAT was personal. Who cares. It's not like this big secret that I need to lose weight! Hello?! IF I were an elephant, I'd be underweight. HAHAHA!!! You know you wanna laugh. Go ahead. I like to make people happy.
So, I go in at 11:00 Monday morning to begin shooting sparks, glowing in the dark, however it is YOU choose to make fun of me at my expense. :) It's all good. I don't know how long I'll be there. I talked to someone in Radiology today and she was super nice. I'll meet her Monday. She'll be part of my team. She answered questions that I didn't even THINK to ask. I had called to ask about taking an old cell phone with me. Anything I take in with me can't come out. She told me I MAY be able to take MY cell phone with me, that it may not hurt a thing, that we'd ask the Radiation Safety Officer about it. She even told me that I've probably been told to take multiple showers a day, but I don't have to worry about that. She said about 90% of the Radioactive Iodine will be absorbed into the thyroid/cancer tissue that I have left and zap it. That leaves only about 10% that will come out through bodily fluids, most of what will come out after I drink a lot (to put it nicely), that they set those guidelines before they had their new Radiation Safety Officer. They did that as a precaution for the nurses and clean-up crew. They will still wrap the room in plastic and more absorbant things will become contaminated, like books and magazines and such. Those things cannot leave. Interesting. So, I'm wondering, can't they save all this stuff that people leave behind for the next patient that will become radioactive? It's like "Here. You're going to be Radioactive. Have some Radioactive stuff". There are different levels though, so maybe that's why. I will still have to suck on sour candy every 15 to 20 minutes and drink, drink, drink, so that it can come out of my system. I also found out that I DO have Thyroid cells left or I wouldn't be going through this process. A test sometime or another read Thyroid cells. Not sure about the cancer part. I aint skeert. If you remember from one of my previous blogs, it's not necessarily that a surgeon doesn't do a good job. It's mostly procedure to go through this therapy because the Thyroid is attached to other things in there. Did you know you can feel your Thyroid? Yep. Mash around in your neck and it's there. Unless, of course, you're me. :D I ain't got no.
They keep mentioning throwing up while I'm there. Great. Maybe I won't. I have to notify them IMMEDIATELY if I do. I will be THAT potent. :)
I've been wondering how they'll know when I'm ready to do. I found out today that the Radiation Safety Officer will come in every day and measure the room and myself with a Geiger counter. Cool! They want my level at a 5 before I leave. It'll start somewhere around 40. If I'm down to 20 on day 2, that's great. She said there was lady that came in and was a seven on day 2! She did say, too, that since I'm young, it may not take too long. We'll see. I'm just glad it's Spring Break and I won't have to take any more sick days. I WILL be feeling fine shortly after this therapy. The doc said it'll take a few weeks for me to start feeling back to my normal self (again, not an opportunity for you!), but I plan on feeling FINE the day I leave the hospital. :)
About the phone... I'm thinking about not taking it. I'm going to pray about not taking it. Sure, it'll be an outlet, but this could be an amazing time for me to spend with God. How often do we REALLY get to shut out the outside world? Like tonight, there was a House marathon on. I SO planned on watching from 4:00 to 10:00. Maybe with a few interruptions. Know how many I watched? Zero. Zilch. Nada. The TV didn't even come on tonight. Anyway, am I that strong of a Christian? I kinda doubt it, but wouldn't that be awesome? I'm going to pray about that decision between now and then. If I get claustrophobic, I can turn to God, right? If I get stir-crazy (there IS a difference!!!), I can turn to God, right? If I get lonely, I can turn to God, right? Right. I think He put that in my heart 'cuz it sure ain't coming from me, folks!!! I'm already feeling a panic-attack coming on!!! "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13. I can. I Can! I CAN!!!
I have a fairly new CD. I decided I'd play it tonight as I blogged. I've started it a few times, but never finished it. So, I decided randomly to start on #8. Had no idea what it is. 8 is my favorite #, by the way. It's very well-"rounded". HA! There is no reason why. I just like it. It's nice and even, even in its shape.
So, I've been thinking lately (I'll get back to that last paragraph in a minute) that I really need to pray about keeping my focus on God after this is over. I've prayed and prayed, yet still not enough. I've talked and talked to God, but still not enough. I've dug into His Word, but still not enough. I don't want to get through this smoothly, then forget about God because I've been healed. I don't want to forget about God because there's not something crazy about to happen in my life that I'm anticipating. I want to keep praying and becoming closer and closer with Him and leaning on him. It's up to me. My pastor, Alan Beasley, who has been absolutely unmeasureably amazing to me through all of this said it all a few months ago in a sermon and, thankfully, those words continue to run around in my head. Talking about becoming closer to God, he said, "It's not gonna just happen!" It's up to me. I have to continue to talk and pray and listen and dig. God's there. He's always there. Always. Even when we royally mess up. He is a jealous God, but He is also a forgiving God. He loves us more than we could ever imagine.
So, the song, track #8 is "Forever" by Chris Tomlin. Here are the lyrics:
Give thanks to the Lord
Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good,
He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
With a mighty hand and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the life that's been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever and ever
From the rising to the setting sun
His love endures forever
By the grace of God
We will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise
Yeah Forever God is faithful
Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
And ever and ever ....
It's 11:29 and I have done NOTHING to prepare to go home tomorrow. I was going to have that all done this morning. I had nice nap today and other things have just come up. Had to go to Wal-Mart and get my oil changed. I'll have you know I did NOT shop otherwise. I actually thought about it, got to the videos, then turned around and went back to sit in the waiting area until my car was finished.
I will try to get back on here tomorrow and post the lyrics to those songs I was talking about Thursday (I think it was). The verses are too perfect to not, but my brain is turning to mush (which is seriously a side-effect of being off of my medication) and my eyes are getting heavy. If you know me, you know 11:30 is early on a Saturday night, ESPECIALLY with a nap today, but I'm about to retire for the night. Church calls in the morning. It has been my goal all week to make it. I will. Regardless.
Goodnight, bloggy blog. THIS? Is one of my LAST blogs in the RAI-therapy chapter. HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I LOVED my appointment today!!! Seriously! It was a blessing in several ways. It brought me a step closer to being done with this thing, even if my levels aren't high enough. I walked in, they looked at me and said, "Come on in, Miss Morgan." This makes three times I've been there and they already know me by name. Sure, they were expecting me, but it made me feel good. I got there a few minutes early, so I went to potty. Hey, you're the one that decided to read this. I did down a lot of tea on my way. (Milo's to be exact. Yum E!) When I'm on a normal person diet, I don't get tea, so it's been awesome. Anyway, I came out, sat down, grabbed a magazine and the nurse said, "Come on back with me." She prepped me to take my blood and let me tell you that the last time she drew blood, I didn't even feel the needle go in! I didn't know that was possible. I felt it come out, oh yea, and it left a terrible bruise. I felt it this time, but no big bruise... yet. I do NOT bruise easily. I NEVER bruise. Strange. Anyway, she said, "How are you feeling? Pretty terrible I imagine?" I said, "Well? ...yea." She laughed and said she liked my hesitation because most people start in griping right there. I told her how I felt worse a couple of days ago and a few really rough nights, but that for some reason the last couple of days hadn't been so bad. She said, "That's good! Most people that come in say they've been hit by a Mac truck!" I said, "I just feel like I've been hit by a little one." She laughed and told me she liked my attitude. I told her it was much better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself. She said, "and knowing that this is almost over has to help." I said, "EXACTLY. I'm almost done... I hope". By that time, the blood was drawn and my Carebear Band-aid was on. Just kidding. It was a plain, regular, boring adult one. She was putting my blood in it's little nook and said, "MOST of these come back fine". I said, "Good! Any chance I'll know today?" She said, "No. Sorry. It'll take it until about 7:00 to be ready and I won't be here then." So, she said call me in the morning between 8:00 and 10:00. Surely they're high enough. I have been SO good! Not bragging. I was just worried I would really stink at this diet, but it's not been quite so bad. She asked me more about how I felt and I told her I was achy earlier in the week and that my right knee hurts, I'm sluggish and weak, but not a lot of pain. She said lots of people come in with terrible pain and said a couple have even ended up in the ER it was so bad. GAH! I knew I was blessed, but WOW! I just feel really, really BLAH. I went to bed last night with hardly any pain to speak of. Praise the Lord! That is my only explanation! See, if you seek Him even in the storm, He's there. He NEVER lets go. We're the idiots that let go of HIM. There are so many verses I read tonight watching a couple of songs on youtube that I'll share in another blog that really are perfect for me right now. I heard three songs specifically today that were meant for me. I'll share them in the next blog, too. This one is already doomed for you not finishing it... if you've gotten THIS far. Bless your heart!
So, my appointment was finished and I walked out the door without even having to make a copay. What's up with that? There are not a lot of things in this world that I can truly say I dislike, but writing a check for my copay to "The Center for Cancer Care" just gives me the heeby jeebies (is there a correct way to spell that?). *Shiver*. I don't like it. BUT THEN AGAIN... I'm thankful for it. I was thanking God today for giving people knowledge to even KNOW about cancer, much less find it and treat or cure it! It's amazing! How do they know?! Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible and many many many many many other things tell me so. Sometimes I call my scar my "Jesus loves me scar". That's another blog for another day.
My appointment was seriously like 3 minutes long. I've never had to wait long in there. I heard on the radio this week that the Radiology Department at Huntsville Hospital just won some kind of 1st place award in the state. Makes one feel good that is about to be dealt with by them (notice I didn't say "deal with them"). I'll try to be a good patient, I promise. I won't ask for much!
Which reminds me... my sister was going to come and get me today just to take me to my appointment. She insisted. I insisted she didn't, especially until we knew how I was feeling. Not great, but not too bad is how I felt. I just couldn't justify her driving 2 hours here, then an hour + to Huntsville, that hour + back, then another 2 hours home. Sure, she could have spent the night tonight, but still, that's SIX plus hours for 3 minutes. NOT gonna happen. She insists that she and my niece are coming to pick me up on Sunday. I doubt I'll let that happen unless I'm truly feeling terrible. I will NOT feel terrible. I will NOT. I really want to go to church. I probably won't be able to sing, but I don't care. I'm so sluggish and run down that it has taken a toll on my voice. I have no congestion whatsoever, but it sounds like I have a horrible case of... something. I don't know what. My body is just so tired and fatigued that I sound super froggy. It's annoying. I try to clear my throat and nothing happens because there's nothing there to clear. I try to sing and it ain't happening. THAT has been a hard part of all of this. It'll come back though. It's just NO fun not being able to sing. UGH!
After my appointment (SERIOUSLY? Are you STILL reading?!), I went to The Fresh Market. I swore I wouldn't go back to Wal-Mart. Well, I did, but that's beside the point. I thought while I was there, I'd see what the hoopla was all about. That place was awesome! Ex-PEEEEEN-SIVE, but awesome. I saw the most gorgeous tomatoes I've ever seen. They must have weighed like 10923807 pounds each, too! Here, I took a pic. Call me crazy, I don't care.
Fresh fruit out the wazoo. I wish I were more experienced with fruit, like star fruit and some other exotic one's that you don't usually see in a Russellvillian/Albertvillian grocery store. Fresh rhubarb? What the heck? Sun dried tomatoes, freeze dried strawberries, fresh something I've never seen. Looked like white blackberries. Anybody want to take a guess on that one? They had these kabobs. I HAD to buy one. It looked gorgeous. Expensive, like I said, but what the heck. You only live once. It has fresh mushrooms, bell peppers (I don't usually care for, but I can take 'em or leave 'em), tomatoes, purple onions (YUM!!!) and maybe some other things. Non-seasoned, mind you. I wish I had a grill to cook them on tomorrow night. :( Oh well. Why would one person need a grill? I almost bought some fresh beef, but I'm about sick of beef. I did buy some naked wings. They were SO good. Already ready already, too. That was supper on the way home. I also found unsalted mixed nuts. Grabbed me up a bag. Have you priced nuts? GAH! Highway robbery, I'm tellin' ya! I also found unsalted pretzels, which quite remarkably resemble the taste of cardboard. So, if you like cardboard, I highly suggest unsalted pretzels. Maybe I could put them on my imaginary grill with my veggie kabobs.
THIS is SO funny... I just LedOL thinking about it again!!! I was asking the chick about how the "Natural Chicken" was cooked and all. She was telling me and even offered to get a label so that I could see it before I bought any. How nice! A lady came up beside me that must be a regular there. She was talking about wanting a split-breast BBQ style. So, the chick said to me, "I'll be back with you after I grab her breast". HAHAHA! She looked at me and her eyes got big. She embarrassed the snot out of herself, so I just pretended I didn't take it that way. I had to look down in my buggy and compose myself to not howl! It was hilarious! One of those moments where you REALLY want to laugh but know you shouldn't! Poor chick. TOO funny!
THAT was the highlight of my day. Week. Maybe even month.
I really enjoyed my first trip to The Fresh Market. Seriously? I may want to go there for supper/lunch/breakfast, whatever it's going to be when I get out of the hospital NEXT WEEK. They had 9238470180195801987340987098 different kinds of cheese. I know. I counted. I wanted to cuss. It all looked so yummy. I haven't had cheese in... sixteen days? THAT, my friends, is a first by FAR. What I did NOT like about it was my total. Cha-CHING! Gah. I got WHAT??? Whatever. It's not an everyday thing. That may be the first and the last.
I must admit that I had a bit of road-rage today. I used to be horrible about that. I had to be the fastest thing on the road. Oh my gosh. It's 12:41 AM. Anyway, after a few speeding tickets, I slowed my tail down and realized it'd still be there when I got there and it was OK for people to pass me. So, I'm pulling out... somewhere, merging in Decatur, I think. That's irrelevant. Anyway, I had to look to switch lanes and this guy had a nutty butty. You know the store-bought ice cream cones with chocolate and nuts on the top? I said, "Jerk!" because I can't have one. Then I apologized. He didn't know. (He didn't see me say it).
I asked God to show me something today. Not specific, just to show me something. I saw and heard several things, but one was a beautiful sunset. I pulled off the side of the road and took a pic of it. Then, just a few minutes later, a herd of deer crossed the road. I couldn't get a pic of them. I tried, but they ran into the woods. There were probably 6 of them. I LOVE wildlife. Checkout my up close and personal pic of a mama bear and her 2 cubs on my MySpace sometime. Anyway, I said, "Thanks, God. That was pretty awesome!"
And just for fun, here's another pic I took last week. I just couldn't resist when I saw it shining in the sun and the skies were SO blue!!!
Isn't that pretty? Aren't you glad I learned to add pics to my blog? Not very customized or framed, but it's there!
Goodnight. It's late. More later. Like everyday this week, I'm going to get up as usual and see how I feel. I hope to make it to school tomorrow. Sure, some say it's Friday, and not just any Friday, but the Friday before Spring Break. Why go? I say "because it's one of my few, precious sick days". I did find out that I have enough sick days to not have to borrow from the sick bank. I don't know HOW I managed THAT. It's a God thing. Now, off to bed I say!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I got choked up with the lyrics of a song (2nd verse specifically) we began working on at choir practice tonight. Well, we looked at it. We didn't work on anything, really, the 20 minutes we were there. Not many people there tonight, but that was fine. Rehearsal was short and sweet and I needed it that way.
I don't want to talk about myself anymore. Here are the lyrics. I pray you get something out of them!
"Bow the Knee"
There are moments in our journey
following the Lord
Where God illumines every step we take.
There are times when circumstances
make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim
and our questions have no answers, turn to Him.
Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father
when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven
and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand
the purpose of His plan,
In the presense of the King, bow the knee.
There are days when clouds surround us,
and the rain begins to fall,
the cold and lonely winds won't cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason
for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise,
Don't forget we live by faith and not by sight.
...then it goes back through the chorus a couple of times. Wow!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I don't feel great, but I do compared to the past several days and this morning. There is no explanation. I haven't taken anything since about 10:00 this morning, when I officially got up. I took a nice, hot shower later this afternoon and that made me feel lots better! I got a lot done today from home school-wise. We're going on a trip soon and I was organizing some last details about it. I think I might actually make it to school tomorrow. I really don't want to miss church either. I'll just have to take it easy.
I went up to the school today for Show Choir practice to leave some CD's. From there? Wal-Mart, the cursed. I love Wal-Mart otherwise. What one place can supply one's needs so effortlessly? I had to get material for Show Choir. I had to get some Sprite and Pepto and Aspercreme. So, on my way in, cashews catch my eye. Of course they're salted. Hmmm... wonder if they have any that aren't. The nuts are close to the cokes, so I take a gander. Why not? I need something crunchy to snack on. Celery and natural peanut butter is getting old. I don't really even like celery that much. No nuts to be found without salt. Oh well. So, I turn around to go the other way and something catches my eye. WHAT? I looked for that BOTH times I spend three + hours reading labels! Unsalted potato chips? You've GOT to be kidding me! It was THE only bag. It was sitting in front of other bags, but no other unsalted potato chips to be found. Period! So, what then, can you eat with unsalted potato chips? Not salsa. Although it's good for me, it's loaded in salt. Guacamole? Let's see. "Ingredients:" Oh gah. Here we go. Not again, but I've just GOT to have something to go along with my newly found treasure. I rarely ever snack, and never on chips if I do, but when you can't have this and can't have that... you get the point. "Ingredients: blah, blah, blah, blah, contains 2% or less of the following: blah, blah, blah, blah salt, blah blah blah". Less than 2%? I'm game! It was decent. I was not about to read any more labels.
So, I go on with my list. Milo's tea, check. Material, check. Uh oh. Clearance. I feel a little weak. Maybe I should skip the clearance this time. I am now the proud new owner of a lamp. Soap, check. Aspercreme, check. Pepto, Hey! Here's a 75 cents off coupon. Cool! They have a new cherry flavor and it doesn't have Red Dye #3. Cooler! I have been wanting a lamp and picky about it, so it wasn't actually an impulse buy. $35.99 marked down to $9.99. I'll take it! AND I like it! Mt. Dew, I don't usually drink you. You are bad for me, but I can have you right now. $1.38 for 20 ounces? GAH! Ok, whatever.
I got out of there with just a few things that weren't on my actual list. It's OK. I didn't go overboard like I sometimes do.
So, I'm wondering why I'm not hurting. It doesn't make sense. I felt ookey this morning, but have felt much better since that hot shower. My arms were fine. My legs didn't feel too badly walking around in Wal-Mart. Strange. The past few days I've had trouble just walking around the house. I had even planned for someone to go with me and get the things on my list while I got material (had to use a Purchase Order from school, so nobody could do that for me). I told her nevermind, I'd do it. What has made me feel better so suddenly? There is no explanation. I haven't had any Tylenol since about 10:00 this morning. My arms did start hurting a little while ago. I rubbed some Aspercreme on them and it's like magic. My right arm hasn't bothered me to much today at all. Maybe I shouldn't question it. It's just baffling. I haven't done anything differently. Maybe it was all those veggies in the soup I had yesterday? God is pretty cool. I kept thinking, "It only gets worse from here", but I got better. I'm not sure that's supposed to happen. Sure, I'm sluggish and I really have to tell my fingers what to do, but compared to how I've felt the past few days, it's hardly anything. Woohoo! I'm anxious to know how I'll feel tomorrow. If I feel this well, I'm going to school and church without a second thought. YAY! Still taking it easy, of course.
I posted a link on my Facebook page last night of a song that I think is beautiful. I just posted it because I like the song. On the side was Psalm 91. I didn't even read it before I put it up there and someone commented on it. I read Psalm 91 and it was an awesome read! God shows you things when you least expect it. I am loving the way He uses other people to show me things and teach me things. He is my comfort. I know this "battle" will not last much longer.
I watched Yes, Man tonight. Got it for $1 in the Wal-Mart vendy thingy. Why didn't I think of a DVD vending machine? Anyway, it was pretty good. Not a very long movie, but it took me forever to watch it. You see, God has blessed me that I have people that care about me that I had to pause or keep rewinding it due to calls and text messages. Not many people. I'm not a person of thousands of friends, but it was nice to get a little aggravated and then realize, "Hey, there are people out there that care." How are they supposed to know I'm trying to watch a movie? God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve. HE is the only explanation that I have felt the way I have the latter part of today. I have done nothing differently than other days. Maybe I'm just getting used to feeling like this, but if so, that comes from Him, too. Pretty cool.
Here's hoping I'm able to get up and go to school tomorrow. Hopefully I can make it. My stomach still feels gross. Maybe God has given me that sensation so that I don't care anything about running to Taco Bell for a Mexi-melt right now, or craving one of those places I mentioned last night, or whenever it was. My last couple of days are running together. I can't explain the not craving things besides God's help either. OK. Maybe I've craved Pizza Hut a little, but really, I can't think of anything else I'm craving. The kids are going to do a Pizza Hut fundraiser, so that's probably why. It's been on my mind, but still, it's not a maddening craving.
Two weeks from today... WAIT! ONE WEEK from today... WOW!!! ... I will be spending my first overnight stay in the hospital (except for when I was born. Seems like I was only there for 2 or 3 days then anyway). I'll be killing some thyroid/cancer cells right about now. My throat may hurt, I may get really sick to my stomach and I will probably be sick of taking showers, drinking, peeing, and eating Lemon Heads (which I should probably get my hands on more of between now and then), but that's OK. It'll be here. It'll be real. It'll be closer to the end of this! Praise God! Wow, I really was thinking it was still 2 weeks away. Tomorrow will be 2 solid weeks I've been off meds and on this diet. Time FLIES! I was so occupied with other things, awesome things (church services) last week and the week before for that matter that it has flown by.
I enjoyed seeing some... what are those called? Oh yea, people today. Hadn't seen a face since Sunday evening. That's not fun sometimes! Yikes. I better get used to it. Maybe next week will go as quickly as these past 2 have. That's all for now. I'm going to go to bed now and have a great day tomorrow!
God is amazing all the time. All the time, God is amazing.
Peace, love, and fried chicken fingers.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Maybe I feel so bad because it's day 13. Just kidding. I'm not supersticious. Just the other day I opened my umbrella in class so a student could see it. Black cats? Bring them on! Ladders? Sure, I'll walk under it for ya. Broke a mirror? Well, clean it up! Just be careful. Do black cats get bad luck when they walk under ladders, or are they immune because they're black cats? Hmmm...
I just went to watch Little People, Big World. They were in Huntsville. Their youngest, Jacob, was in space camp for a week. They also went to Ivy Green, Helen Keller's birthplace in Tuscumbia. Not far up the road from here. That was pretty cool! I was lying on the couch and thinking during commercials. I thought, "one week from tomorrow is when I'll be admitted" and I got excited. Not sure why. Maybe because the anticipation of "what's it gonna be like?" will be gone and this will be that much further behind me and I'll be that much further to feeling better.
God is so evident. He IS by my side. I AM in His hands. He is my strength. I have to remember that and continue to keep my focus. He's taking me through this journey for a reason. Maybe it's so I can reach out? I could get on here and not mention Him. I have to. I couldn't make it through without knowing He is with me and that He has a plan. I don't know if I'll ever know exactly why I'm going through what I'm going through, but I do know that He does. That is comforting! Psalm 28:7 says "The LORD is my strength and my shield..." 1 Peter 5:10 says "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." Wow! ...about the verse itself and that I remembered the chapter and verse. I'm not so good with remembering numbers, or much else for that matter. I had to look it up, but that was it. That was a verse someone shared with me today. WOW again, I say!!!
Another something someone shared with me today was Cardboard Testimonies. I had never heard of such. Go to www.youtube.com and look it up. You will not be disappointed. SO cool! Do it! Do it! God showed me many things through watching some of those videos. Again, how this is not so bad and it could be so much worse for me. Not just that it could be worse for me but that it IS SO MUCH WORSE for many people. My prayer is that we as Christians will find our way into those struggling hearts and give them the opportunity to have a cardboard testimony. That is why we're here, afterall. To live our lives for God. To share Him with others. To reach out with unconditional love. Christians are not perfect by any means. Thank God we serve a forgiving, loving God!!! Pardon the expression, but if I feel like crap because you were supposed to read that, well then... GOOD! :) Maybe though, I'M the one that needs to read it!!!
You know, it's been a struggle finding food I can eat. At least I have a choice and at least I have food.
It's not easy at times living alone while feeling badly. I have a computer and can afford the luxuries of monthly internet charges to be able to get on here and vent and talk to people when I'm alone. Some people don't know what a computer is.
I hurt and feel achy and run down. I am fortunate to be able to get up in the mornings. I am not physically disabled.
I am blessed. I chose that as my blog title because it's so true. That was in January. I can't tell you the many blessings I've received since I titled my blog "Carrie's Blessed Life". Gah. God has certainly used his people lately to reach out to me. A couple of instances... I came home Friday and my yard had been mowed. I was telling my Dad, "It could have been _______ or ______ or ______ or..." He, kinda teary-eyed, said, "Isn't it great you have that many people you could assume it was?" Of course I agreed. I figured out who it was and of course they won't let me pay a dime. Also, (most of) my family came here for Easter. I jokinly said, "I don't know what they're going to eat!" It was taken care of in no time. Again, without me being able to pay a penny. What blessings!!! Also, food was especially prepared for me. *SIGH* God is amazing. I have to quit now. I'm getting teary-eyed myself thinking about God blessing me through is incredible people.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Though I've not been up long, I feel like I could crash right now and go straight to sleep. I have a sub "on call". She is awesome. Musically inclined. The kids love her. Most importantly, she loves the kids. You go through a sub list, find all those things and get back with me. I bet you'll have a hard time finding anyone like her! Another blessing!!!
Thursday is my appointment in Huntsville to see if my TSH levels are high enough to proceed with therapy. Please pray they are. I really hope I feel like the drive. If not... ??? ...
Day 13 down. 10, 11, 12, 13 to go? We shall see. Know what that means though? I'm half way finished with the diet part! I just realized that. WOOHOO! Oddly enough, food commercials haven't gotten to me that badly. Yay! Sure, I'd love some Olive Garden or Ruby Tuesday or Chili's or Taco Bell or (you get the point) right about now, but I'm not dying. Who ever thought I could make it so long without cheese? I even have some in my fridge. I haven't touched it.
Carrie + no cheese + making it fine= Jesus loves me!!!
G'night. God bless you! Much love from me!
WAIT. One more thing. I also realized today that I've been SO worried about how I'll treat people and that I'll be SO irritable. I've been focusing more on what to eat/not to eat that I haven't even thought about the how I'm treating people part, but I haven't snapped at ANYONE yet! I've prayed for that! I haven't even been in a bad mood (yet). YAY!
Carrie + feeling badly - (snappy + irritable) = Jesus loves YOU! :) Hehehe!
God is good ALL the time! He adores YOU!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I feel like all I've done lately is complain to anyone and everyone. That's not like me. I really don't like to complain. Sure, we need to sometimes, it's natural, but gah! I need something else on my mind tonight, so I was thinking about some blessings I've recently experienced instead of drama.
I used to get Chronic Bronchitis. The last time I had it, I had it several times in a row. I'd get rid of it, then it'd come right back. It was taxing. I was in my first year of teaching and miserable because it just would not go away. I ended up in the ER (one of only three times in my life... THAT in itself is a blessing) with it and was told that if I didn't get rid of it that time, I'd have to go see a neurologist for lung punches, later to find out that's where they biopsy your lungs. NO, thankyou!!! I realized recently that last trip was right at FIVE years ago!!! FIVE years and I've not had Bronchitis. Thank you, Lord!
I ALWAYS get a horrible sinus infection around Christmas. I made it this year without one. In fact, I managed only to get a little cough and lost my voice a few weeks ago for a few days. That's it. I made it through winter with barely a cold to speak of. WOW! WHAT a blessing! That's unheard of!
It may sound strange, but I praise God for the minor case of Poison Ivy I got in September. It drove me nuts itching until I HAD to get it seen about. Pics I saw on the internet were FAR worse than what I experienced. That Poison Ivy, as dramatic as it sounds, may have saved my life because while I was at that appointment, I said "and by the way, I found this lump in my neck..." The rest is (soon to be!!!) history.
I don't know why I decided to share that. I just didn't really want to get on her and whine for a few paragraphs. I've felt really ookey today and I think that made me feel better. I'm in God's hands and I'm sure that's why I haven't been sick. My focus needs to be on God ALWAYS. A part of a song came to mind this morning, "and I will praise You in the storm". That needs to be a constant in my heart. If I didn't have this "storm", I wouldn't be getting better. I wouldn't be working my way to becoming healed. God knows what He's doing and that is comforting even when I have ookey days or weeks. He is my everything. Why let Him down just because we don't feel well for a moment? Storms are meant to be had. He's there. His here. He is always with us. He will never let us go.
God is good ALL the time, and ALL the time, God is good! Thanks for reading. G'night.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I've gotten sick at my stomach a few times today and am starting to feel achy. My legs ache most, but maybe that was from my 3 + hour walk-a-thon in Walmart Monday night. I will NOT spend that much time reading labels again. It is SO frustrating! I'll get what I know I can have and be done... that is if I have to go back. I don't have much energy but I need to fix that. I need to rest more and stop doing stuff. I need to chill. Maybe it won't get too much worse. I'm glad it's still not too bad after a week.
I cooked a pot roast in the crockpot with a bunch of veggies over night last night. Got the beef from pastor's sister who just happened to overhear me talking to his wife about every kind of chicken you can find has salt in it. They raise beef and add nothing to it whatsoever. I had never met her and this came about. That's God! So, I got a fresh potroast and some ground beef. It was really good. I've got a ton left that I'll eat on for a while. A God-send from church offered to come over tonight and help me cut up veggies. So, we stood there for probably an hour cutting up veggies so I don't have to do it later. How sweet! I went ahead and made some hobo dinners that I can just heat up later and eat, too. I would have never gotten it done without her help. She even went as far as preparing my fruit, peeling and cutting kiwi, cutting the stems off strawberries, etc. I didn't ask her to. She just did it. I'd say, "You don't have to do that!" and she'd say, "I know I don't have to, but I'm gonna!" What a sweetie! What a HUGE help! I've been looking up low-iodine recipes and they all say to go ahead and prepare food because you won't feel like it later. Check. I've got supper for many nights now. SO glad I had some help doing it. Living here alone, I don't think I would ever call someone up and say, "Will you please come and help me prepare my food?" Not gonna happen. God is taking care of me. He uses His people when we need them and not even ask for them. She knew I wasn't feeling well, offered to come and help, and I took her up on her offer. Kinda surprised I did, but I did. I hate feeling like someone's gone out of their way for me. I'm sure other people feel that way, too. We sat and chatted for a while when all was said and done in the kitchen and that helped get my mind off of things. It was nice. I enjoyed it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better. Gotta stay positive, right? I go a week from tomorrow to the doc for some blood work to make sure my TSH levels are high enough. If they are, I will be admitted April 21st, two weeks from yesterday.
I have GOT to get in bed. I need to get to bed earlier to ensure feeling better. BUT, Rachel and I are going to see Wicked on Saturday. YAY!!! I can't WAIT! It gives me something to look forward to! LOVE Wicked! Must go to bed. Sorry for complaining. Just keeping it real. I could feel MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH worse!!! I can get up in the mornings and thank God for a new day. This still isn't and never will be that bad! NO feeling sorry for me. This is just a place to vent. I warned you that I was going to complain, too. Maybe tomorrow I'll stop complaining... which may mean stop blogging. :)
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Honestly? This low iodine diet is not easy to find things you can eat. Americans use salt in every little thing. It's a wonder we're not preserved for a million years! I'm surprised there's not salt in sugar!
Honestly? I was afraid after my long day and our rehearsal Friday night that I wouldn't make it through the cantata this morning without at least having to sit down, and really thougth I wouldn't make it through twice. With a littlle leaning on the pew beside me towards the end of the second time, I made it fine and they did an incredible job! Exhausted? Yes. They are SO talented! I am tremendously blessed and thankful that God has put me where He has, especially right now in my life! I can't imagine not having the people in that church right now.
Honestly? I don't feel great, but I definitely don't feel terrible. Maybe it's coming. I may wake up in the morning and feel terrible. I'm praying I won't. I feel more tired and groggy and sluggish than anything else. I'll take that over flu-like symptoms any day! The cure? Sleep! Rest! Easy!
Honestly? GOD. That is the only explanation of me feeling decent. He keeps me going. I prayed this morning as I was directing and singing that He would help me out. I kinda had this tunnel vision thing going on and felt like I was going to... well, honestly? Hit the floor. I prayed and He gave me the strength to regain my focus and finish the cantata.
Honestly? I'm waiting to feel ookey pretty soon. I'm finished with the cantata, so if I do, I'm OK with that. It won't last long and I'll be back to my normal self soon. Do not attempt to define "normal". Thanks.
Honestly? It feels really good to get on here and share with the cyber world. I'm trying SO hard not to complain to people about the diet and how I feel. It's hard. It's really hard when people ask. I have to be honest. People are super nice to be so concerned! I am blessed. I can't say that all of these blogs will be upbeat, but that's why it's here. This has definitely been an outlet as I hoped it would.
TWO weeks to go, then therapy, then I'll be on my way to me again. Off to beddie bie. Thanks for reading. God bless you!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I feel like I'm dragging a little bit more today, but I have not felt horrible. I don't feel GREAT, but I don't feel terrible either. Maybe I eventually will, maybe I eventually won't. We'll see.
Tomorrow is a long day and I pray I make it through it without complaining too much.
My students have been really sweet to me. Some of them joke around with me and say, "Miss Morgan! You haven't punched anybody in the face yet!" When I told them I might be grumpy for a while, one asked, "Awww. Can we all put on a bubble suit and come and give you a hug while you're in the hospital?" Another asked, "Can we bring Spring Break to you?" I didn't understand what he meant, so he explained, "You know, like come and decorate your room like it's the beach or something?" Sweet. Both of these students were guys, too. Middle School guys are supposed to be mean.
Here's hoping for a good tomorrow. The show choir is performing their show for parents after their rehearsal after school tomorrow and we have our dress rehearsal for our cantata Sunday morning. I'll make it, and I'll feel FINE doing so (I hope and pray). :)
Blessings to you all! Thanks for reading.