Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Songs that Fit Perfectly

WARNING: I do not spell check and don't usually go back and read over what I've typed. See an error? Get over it. :) Hehehe!

Orange is perky, right? Let's try orange...

I mentioned last night that there were some songs I was going to post the lyrics to. God has popped several songs in my head recently at exactly the right time. He's pretty amazing like that! The first song that comes to mind and continues to run laps through my mind is "Healer". If you haven't heard it, you're missing out, no matter who you are or what you're going through in life. We all know someone that needs a healer. There is none better than God Almighty. I believe this: if we are Christians, we will be healed whether it be here on Earth, or when God takes us home. That may be a little morbid, but it's the truth. I first heard this song the day Dad went into the hospital, which is a miracle in and of itself. I think there literally may have been one time that I have listened to/sung this song that I haven't cried. It's awesome. It means so much to me in many ways. Here are the lyrics:

Healer, by Hillsong

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in you
I trust in you

I believe
You're my healer
I believe
You are all i need
I believe
You're my portion
I believe
You're more than enough for me
Jesus, you're all i need

Nothing is impossible for you
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for you
You hold my world in your hands

Another song was shared with me just a few days ago. Someone that has become really special to me lately said that this song had me all over it and shared it with me. What a blessing!!! It's "You Never Let Go". Right after I had listened to this song, I felt God was telling me to read the 23rd Psalm. I didn't even think about the lyrics of the song. Wow! Here are the lyrics to "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

I don't think I have to explain how either of those songs speak to me! One that has been flying through my mind today is "The Potter's Hand". I have to remember that we have to go through valleys to appreciate the mountaintops. I have to remember that life is a journey and it's not always going to be fun. I have to remember that sometimes we go through things possibly only to strengthen our faith and bring us closer to our heavenly Father. He never lets go. I was thinking recently how much God does love us. It's incomprehendable. We can mess up and mess up again, but He still loves us. He never stopped. He never THOUGHT about stopping. 1 John 4:8 says it all. "God IS love". We are his clay. He molds us and makes us IF we let Him. He is using this time in my life to mold me and shape me into what He wants me to be. I am unworthy of the love He has given me and shown me through His word and His people especially recently. I am thankful to be where I am. If what I'm going through is one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through, I can so attest that He loves us. It's not that bad and I pray that I will remember to seek His face as I go through what I'm about to go through. It's not going to be easy. To quote a favorite song of mine, He never said it would be easy. He only said we'd never go alone. Which fits in "You Never Let Go". Here are the lyrics to "The Potter's Hand":

The Potter's Hand (also) by Hillsong

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure,
all of my days are held in your hands,
crafted into your perfect plan

You gently call me into your presence
guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
to live all of my life through Your eyes

I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart,
I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mould me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand

I was reading this morning and a verse stuck out. I come off of my medication tomorrow and begin my low-iodine diet. I'm worried that I'm not going to stick to it very well. I have to, or I have to postpone therapy. I REALLY don't want to do that!

Exodus 23:25 "Worship the Lord your God, and His blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you"

GAH! HOW perfect is that for me right now???!!! Amazing. I will be fine. I can't imagine going through this without God!

Now, hear me out. I know that I know and you know that this could be much much worse. I keep saying that because I mean it and I don't want you to think that I'm thinking "poor, pitiful me" because I am NOT. Worried, yes. Worried that I will fail. What I'm going through is miniscule compared to what many people go through every single day. You could tie what I've gone through in the past several months and I believe there are people that go through 100 times more than that in one day. One breath, perhaps. I've got it way easy compared to some. I am blessed. I can't express that enough. It's not that big of a deal. To me, yea, because I've never gone through anything like this before. Because of that, I feel like a big baby sometimes, but I know I'll get over it and be finished with it soon.

I hope that you can find something in one of those songs that speaks to you. Please pray for me. Day one being tomorrow makes me nervous. Don't think I've prayed enough about it. God will see me through. He loves us unconditionally. We can't grasp that, but He does. I am in His hands and if I have faith and stay focused on Him, I will eat right and do well, and maybe not even feel too shabby and grumpy. I covet your prayers. I appreciate your prayers. They are what have helped me get through things lately!

If you're reading this, I love you! :)

Monday, March 30, 2009

I'll be fine

I began this blog a few months ago because I thought I was going to need it to vent or reflect or whatever. There are a few certain people I feel like I bother talking to them so often or sending novels of emails to them. I'll blog. They only read it if they want to this way (I love y'all!)

Beginning this Wednesday, April 1st, I will completely come off of my medication. I will go on a low-iodine diet until my therapy, which is scheduled during Spring Break, Tuesday, April 1st. I'm pretty sure my previous post was all about my therapy and the process. Check it out if you'd like. I may go back and read it one day to see if there's anything I need to add.

I went to Wal-Mart last night in search of things I could have. I spent THREE HOURS reading labels. "Nope. Can't have that. Even though it says I can on my list, it has _________" (insert ingredient not allowed). I finally ended up with a few odds and ends.

Please pray for me. I don't have the strongest will-power in the world. That's obvious. I will go back for lab work the week before therapy. If my TSH levels are high enough, the therapy is a go. If not, it's a no-go. I'm ready to get this behind me and glad the doc talked me into having it done Spring Break rather than waiting until this summer like I requested.

This is one of the busiest times of year for me. Christmas might even be less stressful. I'm being a baby, I guess, but it feels good to write (type). I have several services at church coming up including our cantata that we'll do for both services this coming Sunday (I am SO looking forward to each and every one of the Easter services!) Right after Spring Break is the Talent Show, then I'm taking my Show Choir on a little trip, then the Spring Concert. I'm also awaiting news on becoming tenured or not. It's stressful.

But you know what? God has taught and has shown me so many things lately that it is unreal. He has used people to reach out to me when they didn't even know I needed it at that very moment. He is amazing. I will get through this with Him. I certainly can't do it alone. There are several songs that I've learned lately that I'll share in other blogs. Amazing how much they speak to me. Most of them are not songs that I've heard on the radio, but songs that people have shared with me or that I've stumbled upon. God is amazing. I stand amazed and at awe of who He is.

Just tonight I read Psalm 25 and verses 17 and 18 stuck out to me. "The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." God is with me, no doubt. I'm just weak. I have faith. I have to keep reminding myself, too, that what I'm afraid of is short-term. This will all be over soon. It could be so much worse. I also have to remind myself of a bit of a revelation I had a week or so ago. I am so worried about how badly I am going to feel and how I'm going to treat people when I'm off my medication and on this low-iodine diet... I'm worried about not doing well on this diet and not being able to procede with therapy that I've anticipated since November... I'm worried about being isolated in a hospital room for a few days. What I'm not worried about is the entire reason I'm going through this therapy, cancer. Sure, there's the "what if there is some left" and "what if it has spread", but those are the least of my worries right now. I don't think that's human. I think that's God. Shouldn't I be worried about that nasty C word? Shouldn't it be beating me up mentally, emotionally, and possibly even physically? I'll tell you this, it has felt very surreal visiting the Center for Cancer Care and writing copay checks to the Center for Cancer Care. Eesh! Makes me shudder. What I'm worried about are little things that will pass. I pray that I'll look back in a couple of months from now and laugh at myself at how worried about all this I am.

I can sit here and try to explain to you how blessed I am, but it's not going to happen. I can't write that or say that. I've never heard of a cancer that was so easy to get rid of. I don't have to go through the grueling process of chemotherapy or radiation time and time again. This is a one time deal. One zap of a pill and I'm done.

I have learned that they will bring me the Radioactive Iodine pill in a hazmat outfit. Yikes! Glad I was warned! The process is annoying. I might get sick at my stomach and my throat may hurt. So what? I'll be fine after a few weeks and never have to look back. THAT is a blessing!

I strongly believe that every single thing happens for a reason. I've gotten closer to God through all of this and am so glad I am where I am today. Wow. I've been overwhelmed with lots of things lately and that is definitely one of them. Overwhelmed in a good way, that is. Blessed. I am blessed.

I may post blogs leading up to isolation to help keep me sane and not bother people every day with my being a baby and worries. Thanks for reading. I'll post some of the lyrics to those songs, too.

Please pray for me! I strongly believe in the power of prayer as well!

God is good ALL the time, and ALL the time, God is good! May he bless YOU!