Monday, March 30, 2009

I'll be fine

I began this blog a few months ago because I thought I was going to need it to vent or reflect or whatever. There are a few certain people I feel like I bother talking to them so often or sending novels of emails to them. I'll blog. They only read it if they want to this way (I love y'all!)

Beginning this Wednesday, April 1st, I will completely come off of my medication. I will go on a low-iodine diet until my therapy, which is scheduled during Spring Break, Tuesday, April 1st. I'm pretty sure my previous post was all about my therapy and the process. Check it out if you'd like. I may go back and read it one day to see if there's anything I need to add.

I went to Wal-Mart last night in search of things I could have. I spent THREE HOURS reading labels. "Nope. Can't have that. Even though it says I can on my list, it has _________" (insert ingredient not allowed). I finally ended up with a few odds and ends.

Please pray for me. I don't have the strongest will-power in the world. That's obvious. I will go back for lab work the week before therapy. If my TSH levels are high enough, the therapy is a go. If not, it's a no-go. I'm ready to get this behind me and glad the doc talked me into having it done Spring Break rather than waiting until this summer like I requested.

This is one of the busiest times of year for me. Christmas might even be less stressful. I'm being a baby, I guess, but it feels good to write (type). I have several services at church coming up including our cantata that we'll do for both services this coming Sunday (I am SO looking forward to each and every one of the Easter services!) Right after Spring Break is the Talent Show, then I'm taking my Show Choir on a little trip, then the Spring Concert. I'm also awaiting news on becoming tenured or not. It's stressful.

But you know what? God has taught and has shown me so many things lately that it is unreal. He has used people to reach out to me when they didn't even know I needed it at that very moment. He is amazing. I will get through this with Him. I certainly can't do it alone. There are several songs that I've learned lately that I'll share in other blogs. Amazing how much they speak to me. Most of them are not songs that I've heard on the radio, but songs that people have shared with me or that I've stumbled upon. God is amazing. I stand amazed and at awe of who He is.

Just tonight I read Psalm 25 and verses 17 and 18 stuck out to me. "The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish. Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins." God is with me, no doubt. I'm just weak. I have faith. I have to keep reminding myself, too, that what I'm afraid of is short-term. This will all be over soon. It could be so much worse. I also have to remind myself of a bit of a revelation I had a week or so ago. I am so worried about how badly I am going to feel and how I'm going to treat people when I'm off my medication and on this low-iodine diet... I'm worried about not doing well on this diet and not being able to procede with therapy that I've anticipated since November... I'm worried about being isolated in a hospital room for a few days. What I'm not worried about is the entire reason I'm going through this therapy, cancer. Sure, there's the "what if there is some left" and "what if it has spread", but those are the least of my worries right now. I don't think that's human. I think that's God. Shouldn't I be worried about that nasty C word? Shouldn't it be beating me up mentally, emotionally, and possibly even physically? I'll tell you this, it has felt very surreal visiting the Center for Cancer Care and writing copay checks to the Center for Cancer Care. Eesh! Makes me shudder. What I'm worried about are little things that will pass. I pray that I'll look back in a couple of months from now and laugh at myself at how worried about all this I am.

I can sit here and try to explain to you how blessed I am, but it's not going to happen. I can't write that or say that. I've never heard of a cancer that was so easy to get rid of. I don't have to go through the grueling process of chemotherapy or radiation time and time again. This is a one time deal. One zap of a pill and I'm done.

I have learned that they will bring me the Radioactive Iodine pill in a hazmat outfit. Yikes! Glad I was warned! The process is annoying. I might get sick at my stomach and my throat may hurt. So what? I'll be fine after a few weeks and never have to look back. THAT is a blessing!

I strongly believe that every single thing happens for a reason. I've gotten closer to God through all of this and am so glad I am where I am today. Wow. I've been overwhelmed with lots of things lately and that is definitely one of them. Overwhelmed in a good way, that is. Blessed. I am blessed.

I may post blogs leading up to isolation to help keep me sane and not bother people every day with my being a baby and worries. Thanks for reading. I'll post some of the lyrics to those songs, too.

Please pray for me! I strongly believe in the power of prayer as well!

God is good ALL the time, and ALL the time, God is good! May he bless YOU!


  1. Don't think to much about being in a room! I know how it feels, I was in the hospital for 3 days and was about to go crazy, you WILL be okay. Take crossword puzzles, find a word puzzles, read the sisterhood of the traveling pants books, even though you don't like to read, (I hate reading and I love those books) or the books something borrowed, something blue and baby proof by emily giffin are so good! I will be thinking about you a lot. I sat here and read the whole thing, don't apologize for lenghty things, thats what all this internet stuff is all about, for people to keep up with each other with technology, a pretty cool idea I think! So type as much as you can because I love reading whats going on with everybody! Please keep this posted on how everything is going. Don't get to stir crazy and ask for your Ativan or whatever they decide to give you if you get stir crazy to where you can't handle it. We've had to tie patients down and I know you don't want that. :) Anyways, we have dealt with some RAI patients before and you have to very cautous, we don't let them have visitors very often either. I don't know how they are going to regulate that with you, but it is glowing medicine and can be dangerous. I'm so glad its going to fix you though. Anything to fix us right? I just went through a very painful thing just to fix me. Boo. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. You are an awesome Godly chick and you will make it through this! I have faith in Him above. ~Diana

  2. Mom will be doing this all about the same time. She'll be taking a trip with Dave while she's off her meds and on the low iodine diet. She's so mild mannered sometimes and not excitable, but who knows how she'll feel or act off the meds? I pray that God will give you both peace and comfort and calm times while you're "incarcerated" haha!
    Love you and we'll be praying!

  3. Carrie post as long a blog post as you want to. I read the whole thing! I always do! I am praying for. For God to give you the strength to endure! I know that he will! Please know you have friends all over. Ones you see often and ones not so often. :) I love you and I will be praying for patience, courage, strength and hope!!
    love you

  4. Carrie, you are right, you will look back someday soon and and this will all be behind you. You are such a sweetheart and I'm enjoy so much being your friend.